So, a good friend of mine is actually blogging her adventures in weight loss...down to her current weight. Now that, that takes a good, solid set of balls. I'm not that brave. However, I see where she's going with it and I am motivated to do the same...to post blogs so my friends (who know how to reach me!) can help hold me accountable and help me reach my goals :)

Because this  *stands up and points to body* is not going back to Malibu in early June. No. I want to be able to play in the ocean with my JH girls that I love, and not sit on the sidelines feeling like a beached whale.

Living at home was a miracle and a blessing. Sadly, though, mom and dad's eating habits are definitely very different than mine. And seeing as how they were the ones buying groceries and making me free meals, I never complained. Oh, I ate well. But there was a lot of comfort food that went along with it.

Now, now I am on the "I have a mortgage to pay, groceries are necessities - junk food is not" diet. Since we've been in this house, I have done a very good job at cutting my caloric intake to a whopping 1400-1600 a day, and am back to eating fresh fruits and veggies as treats. I've always done well with mini-meals, so eating every few hours is not a big deal to me. In fact, eating healthy for life is not an issue. It's the exercise that I lack.

I know that I need to move. I coach 50 some odd girls in cheer, and I make them run and do conditioning - daily! What do I do? Watch them run and condition, and enjoy the poundage that has been clinging to me for X number of years. I know that once I commit and stick to a daily/weekly routine, the tubbiness will dissipate.

So - I ran today. It's been a long time, and not being able to breathe well has really hindered my ability...but the docs have me on good breathing meds to help combat this reaction I have to my mold allergy. Casey-dog was very happy to go for a run. I bet it was a good half-mile...when we got home, I did some of the conditioning I make the girls do. So there. I cannot complain.

30 minutes of exercise completed today. Mission accomplished.

Next challenge. To do it again on Thursday. Hold me to it kids.

That's how I feel right now...

Things came to a nasty head at work before our spring break, and I requested a mediation with the principal and Mr. F because this co-teaching set-up isn't working. He doesn't acknowledge me as a teacher in his classroom, he ignores me, I am only allowed to speak when spoken too, and when I assist the students (both "mine" and the general ed. kids) he says it's unnecessary and I am disruptive.

I'm sorry - but, who's the expert in Special Education? Oh yeah, that would be me - my certificate even says so.

So - some nasty words were said about me via email to the principal...and he pretty much told her that I need to stop my complaining. Now, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Good luck with that one. The solution? My suggestion was that I pull my kids out twice a week to reiterate the main teaching points for the week. But Mr. F wouldn't have it. Oh no. He set special education back 30 years and demanded complete segregation. Apparently, learning disabilities do not really exist - my kids are just lazy. And by separating the kids, it means "his" won't "catch" what mine have.

What. Ever.

At least I get to teach my kids this final quarter. And I bet money that there's an improvement in their grades because of my teaching style. But that's neither here nor there...

For some reason, Mr. F was able to take Monday and today off - both days were days immediately following or preceeding a school break/holiday...and it is strongly discouraged that anyone take those days off. But he's above the rules, apparently...

After a tense week before Spring Break with the mediation, I come back to this relaxed week knowing that things can only get better. And then today happened. His sub today filed a complaint with the front office stating that I undermined his authority as a teacher. Now, if that ain't ironic, I don't know what is.

How did I undermine his authority? I instructed the class because the man only took attendance, pointed to the white board and said "There's your assignment." He then sat down at Mr. F's desk and proceeded to text message (without being stealth) and not assist the kids. That's when I intervened and taught the kids.

Again, is it ironic that the one time I get a complaint it's in the one class where there's animosity and hostility? It makes one scratch their head and wonder if there's something funny going on under the surface. I know for a fact that I am not included or mentioned in the sub notes - ever. So, when I walk in, the subs are always confused as to who I am and my role...which just sets the tone from the get go.

What's a girl to do? I feel like I've been doing nothing these past few weeks other than trying to clear my name with administration and prove that it's all slander. And just when I feel like I've accomplished some good - something negative gets said about me...again.

Does this man just want me to leave? Does he harbor that much resentment toward me because he's back with his ex-wife and I find him completely repulsive because he's so dysfunctional? I have tried to be nice, cordial, diplomatic...and I just keep getting beat up.

Just when I think I can move forward with my life and forgive myself for even being serious with this guy, I find myself hurt and crying again because of something he did. Is he projecting on me because he can't do this with his ex-wife? How is that fair to me? And why me?  

We've been living in this beautiful home...this wonderful blessing from God...for a little over a month now. During this time, I was to be saving...saving...saving. But the money is gone...gone...gone. I look at all that I've purchased - all necessities. I mean really, we DO need a washer and dryer...though we did make it for several weeks, popping in at mom and dad's to do laundry - but that gets old.

Everything I have bought, I have paid cash for. No credit. Will not make that mistake again. And everything I have  bought, I got screaming deals on. Seriously. You can get some decent washer/dryers in the "scratch and dent" areas of most appliance stores. Who cares if they're a little scratched or banged up? No one's going to see it other than me...and as long as it works, who cares about cosmetics?

But still. One more paycheck hits before the first mortgage payment is due. I really do not know how we will be able to stretch our finances, but I trust that I will. I am being obedient again. Daily alone time with God, prayer time, accountability...everything. But that does not stop the human emotion of fear from popping up.

We are where we are today because of Him. I know that...but still...it's been over 2 years since we've lived on our own. And this time around, I do NOT want to screw up. I learn most major lessons the first time around. Hence, only one child while being single :) So seriously, I know that I will not let the finances go awry again. But there's always that fear of falling back into bad habits.

I just wish there were a magic wand that could take away stress. Let it all fade so we can just skip happily through life. I guess it's not that easy. Sigh. 

Ever want to find out who your true friends are??? MOVE!

I moved this weekend, and when I put out the call for help (a.k.a. muscles), I was surprised by who responded and who did not! In particular, the one who chose not to help was the shocker of a lifetime. In fact, it was quite disappointing...and I've been angry ever since I got the email response that said they were spending the day with a friend/doing homework, but even though they know I'm excessively busy, they are in dire need of girl time with me.

To me, when I read that, it translated too: No. Helping you is not as important as me getting some more face time with someone else. And I know you're busy, but I need you to take time out of your busy schedule to focus solely on me.

My busy schedule: moving, unpacking, settling, working, coaching, meetings, preparing for a weekend retreat, studying and doing homework, and being a mother to my child. When in the world am I going to find time to go and sit and listent to this person's idea of "girl time" (listening to them lament on and on about a boy, same story over and over again)?

Yeah.........so angry about it and the more I think about it, the more frustrated and angry I become. Grr...

BUT! Thank God for true friends :) I was moved in in one day, spent today unpacking some more, and am so so so happy to be in this house! J and I are truly making it our own :) It's awesome!

The conflict I had been dreading came and went on Friday. He tried to exert power, I held strong and steady to my indifference...

Now, I can relax and stop stressing over the battle. I am over it and if he tries to do it again, I'll kick him in the shins. I am right, he is wrong. I must do all that I am doing to service my students. So there. Thbbt.

Butthead.